So it's 5:06 in the morning and I can't sleep? Why can't I sleep? Well I have a few theories on this one. 1. To much caffine today. 2. I'm just not tired. Or 3. My bed isn't comfortable enough. I think its a combination of those 3 things mixed together. But nonetheless, I cannot sleep, and quite frankly its driving me nuts.
This last week at home has been awesome. I am so glad Christmas break is here. I am ready for relaxation and no studying!! I was in my churches Christmas contata on Sunday. That was fun. I sang in the choir, which was an interesting experience because most of the songs I had only sung once or twice. It was cool though. At the end of the contata my pastor gave a challenge and said that everybody should have gotten something out of the play. I got something out of it, but its not what somebody would expect me to get out of it. Let me explain.
There is this girl here in town who was my best friend in high school. She is a sweet girl and really tries to love the Lord with her whole heart. Sounds ok right? Well...this friend of mine is a hard core punk. I am talking extreme here. (have any of you ever seen the store Hot Topic? thats her through and through). She came to my christian high school freshman year, and we formed an instant bond. (at the time the punkiness of her was not evident). We got to be good friends and did everything together. We still do a lot of stuff together, and thats where what I got out of the contata comes in. If you saw me with my friend, you would look at me and wonder how in the world we ever met, much less became friends. She is really different. She colors her hair every color under the sun and has at least 2 tattoes. (right now half her head is black, and the other half is red). If you saw me with her you definietly wouldn't think that we were christians. Which brings me to my lesson learned. As I sat in the choir looking at those in the audience I couldn't help but wonder how many of those people have seen me with my friend. I then started to think that if they had seen me with her, they would wonder what kind of girl I was, and start to wonder if I really was "good" enough to be singing on that platform. Basically, my testimony. Then I started to think about my church. I could jepordize my church. People would wonder just kind of church they were attending that morning because one of their choir members hangs out with a hard core punk. It really got me thinking. Just how much of my churches and my testimony have I ruined by hanging out with her? I love her to death, but have I ruined my testimony because I hang with her. I am so ashamed of the fact that when we were in high school together, I didn't take the time to be a good testimony. Instead I rebelled against my parents and messed up the testimony I could have had. So the question I face now is where do I draw the line. I don't want to completely drop the friendship cause I don't believe thats right, but do I allow myself to do a little bit of stuff with her? Do I just ignore her? Its a hard one to make, especially since we are still good friends, but I have to draw the line because she is getting worse and worse.
Another thing the Lord has pointed out is the fact that I don't stand up for things the way I should. Take for instance BJ. I transfered from there. I loved it there. But I was so focused on fitting into a certain crowd at MBBC I allowed myself to beat them down, and make fun of their rules. Yes some of their rules are ridiculous, but they are there for a reason. God put them in charge of my life while I was there, and I abided by those rules. I am ashamed to think of the things that I have said against BJU just to gain popularity with a group of people. That was so very wrong of me. Another thing is a guy at school. He is a freshman and grew up in a culture different than ours. I am a strong believer that when you come to America your try to live by American standards. But we have to understand that its hard to transfer into a society that you know nothing about. When you do come to America I can see it to be very easy to slip back into the ways and cultures of the world and society you grew up in. People at school have picked on this guy because he is a MK from a different country. I am ashamed to say that I have done this as well. I think that instead of looking at him as a "weirdo" from a different country, we need to look to him as a brother in Christ. We need to help him adjust...its hard. So it is here that I say sorry to Bob Jones University. I am sorry for all that I said against you. You are a awesome school, and if God wanted me there, I would go back in a heartbeat. To Jeremiah I apologize for taking part in ridiculing you. I know it must be hard for you to be here, and I am sorry that I haven't taken time out of my busy schedule and life to make sure that your day is going well, or make sure that everything makes sense. I am truly and deeply sorry. To those people of whom I have gossiped with, I am sorry that I encouraged it, by taking part. I am deeply ashamed...
Thats all folks...I dont know what else to say....
